My name is … a window into life as a carer

Hannah Roberts is a beneficiary of After Umbrage. And she is so much more than that. She is a Mum, an unpaid carer, and works for Blue Sky Trust, a charity that supports men, women and children living with and affected by HIV in North East England and North Cumbria. From time to time, she helps us with our strategic planning and, we discovered recently, she has a wonderful way with words. Here is Hannah’s poem called, “My Name is …” She gives us a window into her life as an unpaid carer.

Hannah is pictured here with her family, James (husband), Maddie who is nearly 4 years old, and Elijah, now one year old. Elijah is photographed here in the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit after having his tracheostomy fitted at 8 weeks old. The family photographs show a bit of his cleft lip repair journey as well. 

My Name is …

I wake up in the morning forever feeling tired

And I can’t even remember the last time that I showered

My days are a blur of phone calls and lists

My child is in hospital and I feel torn in bits 

Hello my name is Mum, 

Hello my name is Mum,

Hello and I am fighting 

I am fighting for my son 

Sometimes I get cross

And often there are tears 

And each time I don’t understand 

I carry a great fear

I try to be his voice and fit it all together

But it seems the road ahead just isn’t always clear 

Please help me at my job

Be his advocate and heart

Help me to be with him

And to be brave and strong

It isn’t always easy- each day is very long

I want my family to be at home

where we all belong

Every time I leave my child

In the care of someone new

A part of me is left as well

And I feel a deepened blue

I hope they cuddle him close 

and know his cheeky ways

I pray it makes him stronger

And he won’t be there more days

I am his carer and PA

I have learnt the terms and skills 

Visited hospitals and waiting rooms 

Met all the medics and still 

Countless times I chase things up

Never forgetting why I called

Please can you remember too so that I don’t have to do it all?

I just don’t understand why every new referral 

Promises solutions but seems to bring more hurdles 

It’s trust and hope that I seek

That my son’s needs will all be met

But disappointments are relentless 

And he is too precious for that bet 

But I can tell you it isn’t easy 

to explain the weight that it holds

To be watching for a reason 

That an ambulance may be called 

So please listen as I ask the next time that we meet

For you to remember him 

Even a passing in the street.

My family is my world

It isn’t 9-5 

If I get cross, lose my cool or I’ve reached my peak 

Something small can make a difference 

And even make my week

My name is Hannah

I am the Mum

Of a little boy with complex needs

Remember him

He is a star 

And he sparkles every day

Despite each challenge and my failings

That happen on the way  

Hello My name is Mum, 

Hello my name is Mum,

Hello and today I’m fighting for my son

My name is … a window into life as a carer

We hope you enjoyed Hannah’s poem. It’s heartwarming like the many beneficiary stories we share on our website. These stories are all windows into life as a carer.